Some believe it all makes sense

January 28, 2011

One of these days I will finish this script and all these ramblings will make sense to you. Right now it’s finding the right composition, that’s all.

I feel as if I’m a dreamer, I hope I am. I just imagine that one day I’ll be able to walk away from everything and saw ‘this is my dream’.


Control and our lack of it

January 26, 2011

I think I’ll start off by asking you a question.

Have you ever experienced an event and concluded that it was a sign? By this I mean an event seen or heard to be a sign that you are destined to be something else. I understand that the latter part of that sentance is loosely framed with a subtle touch of adolenscent confusion but bear with me. Now when I say seen something, I mean something that has changed your life, in terms of you’ve actually chosen to change your life because of what you’ve experienced.

It could be easy to speculate, there are many examples on can draw upon for an answer. A heart surgeon watches a patient die totally outside of her control on an operating table, hours later after showering she sees the face of the patient drawn through the condensation on her bathroom mirror. She leaves the profession, retiring to knit jumpers and cardigans for her grandchildren. She lives out her life forever aware of the fact something exists much larger than her, too afraid to tell those she loves because she is scared of it herself. An off duty forty year old cop is out buying milk when he is robbed, his life flashes before his eyes and in his flashback he remembers arresting the same junkie many years ago. It is his fear of losing his family that he believes forces his decision to retire however in all realitgy it isthe fact that he knows he has no control that guides his decision. These examples whilst relevant don’t quite provide enough quantification for what I’m looking for. It’s the fact that in any of these examples, it’s not the event that made them make these decisions. These events and their results are part of a process older than life itself, time.

Entrance Fake Transparency

January 24, 2011
Featherston Street, Wellington - January 24th, 2011.
Featherston Street, Wellington – January 24th, 2011. Filming underway for the ‘Bollywood’ Italian Job remake ‘Player’

Wandering down Featherston Street, Wellington this morning I noticed what seemed to be a large scale Roadworks operation underway. Upon closer inspection and with the removal of my mp3 earplugs, it proved to be none other than the Indian produced remake of a remake ‘Players’. The film, well movie itself is based on ‘The Italian Job(s)’, either that or ‘Goodbye Pork Pie’ which I hear is also being filmed nearby.

Everytime I see a film production it’s exciting, like the frame in which they inhabit is a world free from the rules of a world outside. A world that makes it’s own rules within a creative freedom only ever expressed or experienced by writers, painters and musicians.
I wasn’t so excited about this particular production, I saw the production at two stages during the day and it seemed as if it was moving pretty slowly.
Filimg continues on 'Players', Featherston Street, Wellington, January 24th, 2011
I’ve been writing this script lately and it’s taken some pretty interesting turns, I feel so inspired sometimes. I think I may rent out an orchard warehouse in the winter and film on a homegrade Canon with a Depth of Field filter  and lens hood. Attach a rig, buy some lights and then spend six months in post. Making something beautiful. That’s what I want to do.

Space Monkeys

January 23, 2011

Space Monkeys - Shot into Space


January 23, 2011
Through the window

Rain falling on tin roofs

I spoke to you the other day and told you how it was raining.

Sometimes I’m unsure, sometimes I believe it could all be in my head

The drops I hear falling on the tin roof instead merely a series of impulse charges running through my brain.

What would the people say if they knew?


January 23, 2011

Something, somewhere along the line went wrong, there’s a disparity in my memory recall and I can’t think of what it is.

Sometimes I’m warmed by the fact that if someone was to ask me what my passion was, I could answer it in a second. ‘Filmmaking’, the fact that I know that along with my family and dwindling friends I can name my passion in an instant. Professionally, I’m not in an industry that shares a single characteristic to creativity, but I’ve forced it in during my time there. I think the professional environment works better with a smile and a focus on bringing the best out of people, not neccesarily the best out of process (Although if you get the best out of people the latter follows in due course). I digress.

I’ve already told you about the first script I wrote over six months, sending it to just one person. A girl, Amanda.

The next one is currently underway, it’s an idea I’ve had for five years now. I came up with it when I was finishing my first script. I typed out a one pager that outlined a guy who makes an escape, an unlikely escape from the life he’s living. It carried to itself a Holden Caulfield meets Tyler Durden feel, probably an over burdened cliche but I thought what would be intersting would be to see what happens with power when it’s given up in search of something more. That’s what my life has been about to this day, I needed to find out what life was really like when you stripped it away to nothing. I’ve peeled back every layer and as I do so I find more and more layers which start folding back as if I have started something, generated enough movements that these layers are peeling back by themselves.

After I have this one page outline, typed up in courier new size 12, I leave the idea and forget about it for a while. Putting it on the backburner as I constantly revise my first script. Endless cups of coffee and Marlboro cigarettes, missed university lectures and job interviews later and I have it, 96 pages of love, rebellion, adventure, heartache and did I mention love.


January 23, 2011

Amanda storms away from me down the hotel corridor. I’ve upset her and for one of the first times in my life it was genuinely accidental. For someone that seems to think he’s so smart, I’m pretty stupid. I’ve loved Amanda for five years yet not once in all this time been able to tell her how I feel. I guess I felt it was unfair, she was with someone else. My life flashes in front of my eyes, life without her.

“Wait one second!” I exclaim

“I have one thing that I want to say”,I can tell Amanda is crying, her head tilted to the ground her back to me down the hotel corridor.

I smile and pause, buying time. I need to do something, something big that will fix this and make things right between us.

“I love you”

It’s right at this moment, unexpectedly, I envision the soft dawn glow of the sun on her face, her back is to me but I can almost feel the sunlight casting across her lightly freckled face, that’s how real she is to me. So many times I’ve imagined this situation, running it through my mind as to how I hoped it would turn out. Right now, the moment I’m experiencing. I always hope that she will be smiling about now, her expression warming in the aftermath of those three words.

“I love you and that’s the one thing that’s always scared me” my voice nervously shakes, she doesn’t respond, all around us the hotel is silent.

Amanda slowly turns towards me, she looks like an angel

“I wanted to tell you that for such a long, all the times I never thought was the right time and I guess I just thought that this time might be the last time and that if it’s my chance I’m going to tell you I love you, you know why because” She interrupts


I don’t answer, Amanda continues, her voice is like a whisper

“why were you scared of telling me that?”, her face looks so fragile as if it could break into a thousand beautiful pieces

This doesn’t seem to be playing out how I had hoped it would, her reaction was different to how I had anticipated it. It was a moment that I needed something special, something magic. This moment was the first time she had really ever met me, I had never been truly honest about my feelings for her until now, those three words were who I was. Then like a breaking wave, her face so soft, so alive breaks into a smile so wide that it reminds me of the light of a golden morning sunrise.

“I was scared you would never tell me that”. Softly, she walks towards me and holds out her hand, instinctively I press out my palm and she grasps it, firmly she pulls me closer, I take a deep breath and we kiss.

When there’s a moment like this in your life, were instantly reminded of just how amazing and spectacular life can really be.